10 Signs a Narcissist Is Using You

Dealing with a narcissist can feel confusing and overwhelming. At first, they might seem charming and caring, but things change over time. 

You may start to notice that the relationship feels one-sided, and your needs seem to be pushed aside. 

Narcissists often use people for their own benefit without caring how it affects others.

Relationships with narcissists can leave you feeling drained or frustrated. Their behavior is often manipulative, making you doubt yourself or question your worth. 

They can be good at hiding their true intentions, so it’s easy to miss the signs in the beginning.

It’s important to recognize when someone is taking advantage of you. By understanding the behaviors narcissists often show, you can protect yourself and set healthy boundaries. 

The sooner you notice the signs, the quicker you can take steps to regain control of your life.

1. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

Ever notice how a narcissist seems to pop up only when they want something? 

Whether it’s a favor, attention, or even validation, they don’t contact you just to check in or spend time. There’s always a hidden agenda. 

You might think they’re being nice, but deep down, it’s about what they can get. It feels one-sided, like your needs aren’t even part of the equation.

Conversations often revolve around their issues, goals, or complaints. You’ll likely feel drained after every interaction because the focus is always on them. 

Healthy relationships involve give and take, but with a narcissist, it’s all about taking—and you’re the one giving.

2. They Manipulate Your Emotions

A narcissist is great at making you feel guilty or responsible for their feelings. One minute, they’ll shower you with praise, making you feel special. 

But once you do something they don’t like, they can quickly switch to making you feel like the worst person in the world. 

They control how you feel by playing with your emotions, creating a roller coaster of highs and lows.

Over time, you might find yourself constantly walking on eggshells around them. You’re trying to avoid the next outburst or silent treatment. 

This emotional manipulation keeps you hooked, always trying to please them. It’s exhausting and unhealthy, but they make you feel like you deserve the blame.

3. They Never Take Responsibility

Accountability? Not in their vocabulary. Narcissists rarely admit fault. Instead, they shift the blame onto you or someone else whenever something goes wrong. 

You’ll notice how they twist situations to make themselves look like the victim or the hero. It’s never their fault—even when it clearly is.

This habit can be frustrating because it makes resolving conflicts nearly impossible. 

Rather than owning up to mistakes and working through them, the narcissist will dodge responsibility, making you question your own perspective. 

In the end, you might find yourself apologizing, even though you did nothing wrong.

4. They Lack Empathy

Narcissists often struggle with understanding or caring about how others feel. 

When you share your feelings, they might dismiss or belittle them, making you feel unheard. 

They can act indifferent or cold when you need support because your emotions don’t serve their purpose. To them, your feelings are just an inconvenience.

This lack of empathy can make you feel isolated in the relationship. You might notice that, during tough times, they’re nowhere to be found emotionally. 

And when they do show concern, it often feels forced or insincere. It’s all about them, and your feelings don’t seem to matter much.

5. They Make Everything About Themselves

A narcissist tends to dominate conversations, always steering them back to their life, their problems, or their achievements. 

You could be sharing something important, but somehow, the topic shifts right back to them. 

It’s like your thoughts or experiences don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. They need to be the center of attention, and everything else feels secondary.

After spending time together, you may feel unheard or overlooked. It’s draining to always be the listener and rarely get a chance to talk about your own thoughts. 

In a healthy relationship, both people share the spotlight, but with a narcissist, the focus always seems to circle back to them.

6. They Use You to Boost Their Ego

A narcissist loves to surround themselves with people who make them feel good about themselves. 

Compliments, admiration, or even just your attention feeds their ego. They’ll fish for praise, drop hints about their successes, and expect you to build them up constantly. 

It becomes clear that they’re not interested in a balanced friendship—they just want someone to make them feel important.

Over time, you might notice that your role feels more like a fan than a friend or partner. 

You’re there to make them look or feel better, but when it’s time to support you, they disappear. It’s always about keeping their ego inflated.

7. They Disregard Your Boundaries

Setting boundaries with a narcissist can feel impossible. They tend to push or ignore those limits because respecting others’ personal space or needs isn’t a priority. 

Whether it’s time, energy, or privacy, they’ll overstep to get what they want. No matter how clear you try to be about your limits, they’ll keep testing them, acting as if those boundaries are flexible.

Feeling frustrated or disrespected in this situation is natural. 

Healthy relationships respect boundaries and understand the need for personal space, but narcissists see boundaries as obstacles they can overcome or simply ignore.

8. They Make You Doubt Yourself

A narcissist has a way of twisting reality to make you question your own judgment. 

They’ll dismiss your feelings or opinions, sometimes even denying things they’ve said or done, causing you to second-guess your memory or perception. 

This tactic, known as gaslighting, leaves you feeling confused and unsure of yourself over time.

You might start to rely on them more and more, thinking they know better or that you’re overreacting. 

It’s a sneaky way of keeping control, making you dependent on their version of events instead of trusting your instincts. 

In the end, your confidence takes a hit, and you find yourself constantly doubting your own thoughts and decisions.

9. They Make You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells

One moment everything is fine, and the next, a narcissist can blow up over something small. 

The unpredictability of their reactions can make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. 

You never know what will set them off, so you start to censor yourself, trying to avoid conflict or criticism. Their mood swings keep you on edge.

It’s a stressful way to live, always second-guessing your actions or words. A healthy relationship should feel stable and supportive, not like a game of guessing what might upset the other person.

10. They Play the Victim

Even when they’re in the wrong, narcissists often flip the script to make themselves look like the victim. 

They’ll exaggerate how they’ve been wronged or misunderstood, making you feel guilty or like you’re the bad guy. 

This strategy works because it taps into your empathy, making you feel sorry for them, even if they’re the one causing harm.

You might find yourself constantly apologizing or trying to make it up to them, even though you did nothing wrong. It’s all part of their tactic to keep you off balance and maintain control in the relationship. 

Healthy people take responsibility for their actions, rather than constantly shifting the blame onto others.